Tag: mood

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Been a while

It’s been a while for me to write my blog. I think it’s because I guess not many, or no one wants to know now…so I don’t have the motive to push me… constantly spam comments, nothing meaningful comments recently.

There are many things happened recently. My brother got married, and I hope I have the chance to attend his wedding next year. I feel like not talking with him for a while since he got married. He’s always busy looking for houses, talking with his wife, or so on. He’s always busy, even during weekends. I still speak with my parents almost every day. The thing that I’m most worried is about my father’s chemotherapy medicine. I hope oral chemotherapy will still work for him, and the traditional medicine can help him fight cancer. I know how they worried about the situation, especially when you initially thought a treatment works finally. I feel bad that I can’t do anything about that. My grandpa got skin cancer, and the only way is surgery. He seems fine after surgery, but we know there’s a possibility of relapse. I can tell how worried my mom is and how upset my grandpa is. He’s always a very kind and healthy person. I know how hard for him to accept the news. However, I still can’t do anything about it. All I can do is to pray that they’ll conquer those hard times. I hope good times can come in soon.

As for me, school things are still busy, but I tried to catch up for sure. At least I can deal with my items well, and then my parents no need to worry about me. Last time, I also talked with one of my best friends. It’s always great to see old friends. On the other hand, I still didn’t have the chance to talk with other old friends. I guess everyone has their things now, and it’s always not easy to get available time for everyone. I felt a little upset, but I could understand. I hope we’re still good friends even we have our own lives.

I’m fine, but I Miss you, guys.

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Happy Birthday! 生日快樂！

My parents’ birthday is coming soon, but I can’t be there to celebrate it with them.

When I was in Taiwan, we usually went to buy a small cakes for my parents. If they are in a good mood, we went to the restaurant together. My brother and I will pay for the meal and sometimes will give them gifts that they need. They can’t eat too many cakes now, and they are not fans of cakes. That’s why we get small cakes for them. We will choose the meal or cakes that they like most. They don’t drink beverages very often, but they’re happy to have good coffee. We’ll go to buy good coffee if we think they may like it. Usually, they will blame us when we told them that we prepare something for them. I know that’s because they don’t want us to spend too much money on them, especially they think we haven’t done every significant thing in our lives. I can understand how worried they are, and I think that’s the typical attitude for parents. However, we still celebrate their birthday every year. We hope we can see their smile and make them feel a bit happier in their lives. They always share with us their birthday wishes because the first two wishes are always about us. I hope their third wish is for themselves. If my parents have good spirits, we hang around town for their birthday too. That’s one of my father’s favorite things, and my mom will go with us even she murmurs things under her breath. lol

I feel so sorry that I can’t celebrate with you two this year, and I’m afraid that not only this year. I know you will say that’s okay, only if I have a good life. However, I feel bad when I saw others can celebrate their parents’ birthday together. I know I can use video chat to say happy birthday to you, but I feel bad that I can’t be with you on your birthday. I will keep your birthday gifts and try to do my best not to make you worried. I hope you both are healthy, and father’s therapy not only works but maintains longer this time.

Love you, my dear parents. Thank you for always caring for me and giving us the best that you have.

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New Semester Begins!

It’s been around two weeks since the new semester began, and I’ve been busy until now. Finally, I can take a break at the weekend. Hahaha

There are many new things I have to learn this semester, including coding, statistics, some NLP, and so on. Sometimes I can’t imagine how to deal with those new things, but I always told myself that I could overcome those problems. I am fortunate because I have my family, boyfriend, and his family to support me. My classmates that I met and have been on the same team so far are good people too. Professors are engaging and strict for sure. XD When I have language problems or studying questions, I can always ask them. They are kind people, although I don’t have enough time to get to know everyone. I wish I could.

Except for the study, I’m worried about my family’s situation. The only thing I can hope is that they can make it. I can only try to do what I can do, but I know I can only give some suggestions or mental support. I can’t help with material or stay with them now. Sometimes I’m afraid I will miss something, but I can only seize any hope and try to do my best. It would be great if we have Stargate or can transport ourselves in a short time. Then I don’t need to think about the journey time for extraordinary or emergency events. So far, we don’t have that kind of technology, and I guess that’s why we can always just treasure it when we have the chance to get together.

I miss Taiwan, things, the ocean, mountains, food about Taiwan, and my family, friends in Taiwan. However, I know my partner is great, and his family treats me well too. I only hope for the best for everyone, and we won’t regret essential things in our life. I want to see you again, and I hope you can hold on, even in the tough time!

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Boring Project

I don’t want to do this project from the beginning, and I don’t have choice. You never asked me if I wanted this project. You just gave another person my original backup project. Again, you didn’t ask me if that was okay with me.

You know my situation, but you’re not a considerate teacher. You said you understand, but your actions didn’t show that. I waited since May for my oral defense date, then June, and now July…… I keep reminding you, but you still just keep avoiding telling me. I just want to have an oral defense date, and I can submit my thesis. That will make me feel safe. You said you asked other classmates, although different department. You can understand the mood, but you didn’t do anything to try to help. That is so ridiculous…… I want to leave the loop soon. I’m tired about those things, and I feel so bored….

If you’re a great teacher, you may do anything you can and really try to help. However, you just keep complaining about your responsibility. I regret choosing you as my advisor… but of course, it’s too late when I found out you are a terrible teacher. I just want to finish and leave soon. I think it’s just a waste of time now. It’s boring and I don’t want to put any efforts on this project anymore. It’s just like a dish that is cooked too many times. I am sick to cook the same food over and over again.

I hate to keep pushing others, especially advisor. I think that’s your duty, and you don’t like that too. When is my oral defense date? Please let me go……

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Keep Your Promises!

I remember the promises that you told me before. Apparently, you don’t remember, and you don’t care. How can others trust you, and how can you ask them to follow you?

I know it’s not easy being a professor. However, when you are a professor, how can you change your mind again and again? You always put your students in tough situations, and you see how they struggle in those situations. You never change, even sometimes you are aware of their feelings, you just show a bit of kindness. Then you forgot why they don’t trust you anymore. Remember before you said your dream is to let us finish our thesis project in the first year and take it easy in the second year. But the fact is that I’ve done many different experiments which didn’t produce any results, which wasted my time. I agree that we need to try experiments, but you still blamed us for the failures. You also made me change the goal for my thesis multiple times. This also happened in my second year, when I was supposed to be relaxing, according to you. Now I’m rushing to complete my thesis, making me stay up late and be unhappy. Now that I know you more, I know it’s impossible that you would allow us to relax, because we would have nothing to do. You view us as employees because you pay us a tiny amount of money, so there’s no way you would let us relax in the second year.

You always say things are easy. I think it’s because you do not do those things. All those things you think are easy is just because you just ask other people to do. I agree that it’s a kind of “training,” but what I get from the training is that your leadership never improves or changes, just your requirements for projects always changes. You never have clear direction, because you ask us to think and find the direction for you. I agree that’s important, but it depend on the situation. When there’s not enough time to do that “training,” and for master students, I think we need a good leader with comprehensive plan, at least for most parts. It’s important to help your students, not leave them stranded without a paddle.

Every discussion you have with your students turns into an argument. You also don’t get along with your graduated PhD students. They never want anything to do with you when they graduate and leave. You told me this and I didn’t think too much about it, I should think more about these kinds of things. You have told me that I’m a kind of “rebel” and I don’t listen to authority. I don’t care what you think of me, I just want to get through my program and leave quickly. I definitely won’t have any connection with you after leaving.

I want to leave ASAP.

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Wet and cold

It’s getting cold in south Taiwan… This morning, it was raining off and on, but then turned to continuous rain in the afternoon. The wet and cold weather makes me feel the same as when I’m discussing my original graduation essay. I’m glad I felt warm after my lesson in school today. I’d like to thank my under-classmate for asking what’s up and caring about me. I hope I can graduate quickly.

The weather reminds me of the little surprise that my boyfriend sent recently, it was also cold that day. Since I always complain to him about the weather being cold, and I say I don’t want to go outside. He always checks the forecast for my city and teases me saying “oh! You think that’s COLD? It’s snowing here!” Or when he says the temperature there is negative or in the single digits. Back to the surprise. He excitedly asked me if I had checked the picture that he had sent me. I said “not yet.” Then he was a little disappointed, and pushed me to check. I opened it and I knew he was being romantic. He looked a little shy and said “sorry, I didn’t write very well.” Originally he wrote a different message in the snow with my name, but he was unsatisfied with how the writing turned out. Although it was just a small surprise, I was still very happy.

If it keeps snowing, those words would be buried again. However, he thought about me, the one who is afraid of the cold. He’s happy and loves winter, but I’ll curl up like a ball and bundle up. He also enjoys that part of winter, the part where we can be closer together to stay warm. Because of him, I’m not as afraid of winter anymore.

I know I’m nonconformist sometimes. I don’t have many close friends, but all of them are my life-long friends. For me, it’s easy to tell who my close and not so close friends apart. It’s obvious about what I like or hate. I’m always direct with my emotions, being with me is not always easy. Thank you, my boyfriend, for always accepting and understanding me. You always do your best to help and care for me, like my family has always done for me.

You’re the best, as a friend, as a partner. Thank you.

P.S. I still want to say Tainan was very cold today. I just want to hide in my warm blanket all day. Like a blanket burrito.